| (¯´.·¸¸.¤ ªMelissa's Blog ª¤.¸¸.·´¯) | |||
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Sunday, October 26, 2003 ( 11:12 ) Melissa So I watched the Italian Job last night, (very good I must add!), and I just love this one thing: Whenever you ask someone how they are doing, and the answer "fine", remember what "fine" stands for: F.I.N.E. - Freaked-Out, Insecure, Neurotic and Emotional :D You gotta love it ^_^ Some other cute acros: A.C.T.I.O.N. - Any Change Toward Improving One's Nature Anyway, yeah, had a fleeting thought with the "fine" statement, and this is sortta based on something I've always believed, that people are fundemental liars. They never tell you exactly what they are feeling, and they'll say what they want you to hear. ... Well atleast that's what I do :P And I honestly don't think I'm alone in this. Don't get me wrong, I mean there are still those close few that people will say how they are feeling, or what they are feeling, and be honest about it, but that doesn't happen very often with me. I guess what I wanna conclude, that over all, you can't really trust people and what they say they are feeling or what they say their emotions are... call me untusting, pessimistic, overall-negative=towards-the-human-race, or whatever, but it's just a current opinion :P # Sunday, October 19, 2003 ( 11:04 ) Melissa Bïrthdåy Fun Oooer, there’s no cremesoda or ironbrew ANYWHERE in this house… and I got a mild hangover :P Quite annoying, now I’ll have to wait it out, aww well :) It was Tamaryn’s (one of Chris’s friends) BDay last night, quiet party, but nice overall :) Pretty cool was the fact that my one friend, Sarah, I have Communication Research with her, was there ^_^ She’s friends with Tamaryn *giggles* I thought that to be pretty f**king funny :P Yet another connection in the background that links Chris and I up :P (like for example, when we were broken up, we were both friends with Wayne, and didn’t know the other was friends with him, and that’s just the one example of where we had mutual acquaintances without knowing it *giggles* sometimes I think I’m the butt of some cosmic joke… but I’m enjoying the ride non-the-less :) Anyway, back to the party, it was decent, there were even like 20 puppies there ^_^ Very cute :) OOooer! Maroon 5 - Harder to Breathe!! I heard this at the flea market! I was busy tropping around, then this came on the little music system they have there ^_^ Oooer, I was so shocked! These guys I don’t think made it very big, I’ve been listening to them for yonks now, but yeah, I don’t think I’ve heard it played anywhere before ^_^ Oooer, I got a little sticker thingy that goes on the back of a cell phone that lights up and sparkles with lights every time I get/make a phonecall or SMS ^_^ tis awesome! It’s obviously powered by the radiation that’s coming off of the phone, so I’m guessing there’s quite a lot, and it isn’t exactly the most comforting thing, but I still think it’s funky. Now I’ll know how much radiation I’m giving and receiving all the time ^_^ very awesome :) # Sunday, October 12, 2003 ( 14:18 ) Melissa Love and marriage... go together like a horse and carriage Mkay, here’s that one thing that was on my mind that I said I’d put in here. Okay, last week, a conversation was started whereby the topic came up that quite a few people are getting married really young these days. O_o Okay, I’m sure I’ve mentioned my stand point on marriage like a bigglion times, but yeah, I don’t get it. it seems that there are people that want to get married off at a young age. Without mentioning any names, there’s one individual that I know of who wants to get married like as soon as they graduate from University and have little kiddies. O_o And I’m sure I’ve mentioned my loathing for the idea of having children like a biggilion times too. Now I just have to get this out of my head, cause I swear, these things are like the most foreign concepts to me! I mean, lets tackle the marriage things first. Okay, so like I believe, that if you are going to get married, you should at least have a secure life behind you. Like a secure, well paying job, so if need be, you can support yourself securely, as well as if need be, support your partner. But I think more the earlier one, as in my family, and what I now think will happen, unless if there is something that can prove it otherwise, is that once you get married, you will get divorced a couple years down the line. You can go from a really happy marriage, loving each other fully, but you’ll get divorced, and then you’ll be miserable ^_^ isn’t that just delightful? :P Okay, so now with this person that wants to get married early… from what I’ve seen, all the people in my family that got married in their early 20s, they tend to get divorced. Now this’ll just be dumb, especially since you wouldn’t have had much work experience or enough work to have a secure job so that you could support yourself completely, as well as most likely buy your then ex-spouse a house, car, and their new fluffy (as I’ve seen it usually to work out as O_o ) a new wardrobe. Cheerful. Okay, now onto the scrawling brats, I mean, kiddies. Okay, if anything I said is to be the truth, and the least likely to change (for example, as I keep on saying, one of these days, I’m going to get tricked into getting married! :P ) but the kiddies, ARGH! But I’ll be nice and entertain the thought *shudder* for a while. So lets say if you have this sudden urge to mix your genetics with someone else, to have a little you running around. Now okay, you have the kiddies, that’s okay, I guess. Like, happiness, you and your spouse of choice, now have a little ball of flesh as proof of how much you love each other, and in this child, ,you have both put a lot of time and energy in to bring up and call your own. So in other words, if you have a kid, you’re really stuck, you own life ends, and then you start living for the child, (that is of course, if you have any maternal or parental instincts). Now for someone to want to do this really early on in their life is a little disturbing, this means that you are going to be spending a great deal of your early adult years, raising a child of all things! Not going out and living, not having a fun great time, no, you’re gonna be on permanent babysitting duty. O_o I dunno, it just seems like tying yourself down for life like that is so stupid. Also, as it turns out that I’m finding this quite amusing is that in many cases, it is the female of the relationship that wants something like that for them to live their lives in such a manner. They want to have the early marriage and have the kiddies, and interestingly enough, all the guys I’ve spoken to hate this, and really don’t want anything to do with it. Mismatched ideals I suppose. I mean if you really love your significant other, you don’t need a piece of paper to prove you love eachother, or want to spend the rest of your life with them. By all means, ,go ahead and do it, if that’s what you really want, but yeah, that’s just my thoughts on the matter. # Tuesday, October 07, 2003 ( 22:52 ) Melissa I've read this like four times today, thought I'd share it: Why is the measure of love loss? Jeanette Winterson: Written on the Body # Thursday, October 02, 2003 ( 06:14 ) Melissa GHA! I did it AGAIN! *cringe* See, with a little chat I was having with Jonny the other day, he asked me something on the lines of “Do you love Chris?” or something like, “You two love each other, right?” … well you get the point. Anyway, my only response was, “I like him lots!” A while ago Ian asked if I loved Chris, and I said, “Well… define love!” Without giving away too much of the plot line, Chris basically asked me this one time about if I figured we were going to still be together quite a while into the future, my reply, “*shrug* Maybe” ARGH!! I’m such a bad GF!! *cringes quietly in corner* Don’t get me wrong, I mean, with Chris, I feel loved, which is pretty cool, I could safely say that he at least likes me lots too. But, I mean I’ll say to Chris that I love him, and he really does make me happy (for some strange odd reason :P ), but when it comes to saying I love him to other people, even to those like my close friends, I change the topic. *cringes again* So I think I’ve concluded that I sortta love him. But not so much that I’d give myself wholly to him, at least not any time soon, maybe in the far FAR future yes, but not now. This makes sense, and works for the way that I live my life, especially with my upcoming thought. And I was thinking about it, and I know this is going to sound all mellow dramatic and shallow, and serious drama-full, but sometimes I think it’s easier to live this life with a small void in my heart, like that painful feeling you get whenever you don’t have someone to call your own I guess (anyone who has spent many long periods of time single and wanting, will know of this_. You know what I mean, like when you feel like your heart is really really empty. I think some people should have atleast at some point in their lives felt this. Well yeah, I for some reason have a need to keep that with me at all times (have I mentioned I’m weird?). And this isn’t a recent thing either. I think I’ve been like this for a while. I was thinking about this at dinner last night, and I guess it makes sense in some really f**ked up way. In any relationship, when it comes to an end, someone lands up getting really hurt. It’s a fact. Simple as that, and there’s no denying it either! Even if you two are really happy together, and you get married (with my experience with any and about all marriages) you’ll land up divorced and depressed in no time at all (Yup, that’s me, the eternal optimist! :P )/ But even if it doesn’t come to a divorce, but just an ordinary run of the mill break-up, and if you’ve committed yourself whole fully with all your being, and really truly loved someone, it’s really a heartbreak when you have to part with them, ,and that my friends, really truly, blows. Anyway, back to me being a bad GF part, I’ve realised that I’ve been keeping at least a small (to relatively moderately HUGE) part of me detached. Which I guess in itself is pretty petty, being to scared to love, in the fear of one day getting hurt, that I guess I’m missing out on something fantastic that could be happening in my life. *smacks self on hand* band GF, BAD! Oh yes, and just as a disclaimer, although it might seem that I might think that Chris and I are in trouble as a couple, that isn't the case, and things are pretty much as happy as they can be at the moment :) ^_^ Anyway, I think that’s all I wanna share :) “The greatest thing, you’ll ever learn, is to LOVE, and be loved in return” :) # Monday, September 29, 2003 ( 22:31 ) Melissa Odd People Hmmm, figured today was a good a day as any to comment on something that sorrta struck a cord with me today. Okay, right now I don’t really care who I offend, or what not, so go a head and yell at me if you want, I’ll stick head fast to my convictions. Today, it seems, Jeanette voiced her opinion about the fact that Richard spends time with his friends. Friends that he’s had since high school, namely, Me :) Now Richard is someone who I consider a what, a friend, that’s right. And what do you do with your friends? You hang out with them, that’s correct. HOWEVER, it seems that Jeanette is jealous of me. or moreso the fact that Richard dares to spend time with his friend – me. I mean WHAT THE FUCK?? O_o Surely someone is free to spend time with their friends? I mean we were sitting in the computer labs, and Richard and I were sitting next to each other as we always do. And Jeanette, from coming into the lab a long while after we had sat down landed up only getting a seat on the other side of the lab. Something that just happens. You sit wherever you can get a seat in front of a free computer. Okay, so Richard and I aren’t exactly the quietest creature on the planet, we’ll laugh and make a raucous from the one corner of the labs that’ll be so loud that the finance department downstairs could hear us *evil grin* So yeah, if we go on a giggle fest, it can be heard by all :) So yeah, Jeanette and Richard landed up emailing each other because they couldn’t talk to each other, pretty sweet I guess. Then, with one email Jeanette sent, she attached a document with some code in it, numbers and figures and some plain text, but still in code. There were some things that were normal sentences, like the ending: I could KILL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! O_o So we started decrypting it pronto. Sounded serious, and her being a friend and all, I guess we wanted to help if we could. Anyway, long story short, after a long while, Richard had left and come back to the labs and had more or less figured out the code (started out with cracking the vowels), and I more or less helped him finish the rest. It turned out that she seemed to be psychotically jealous that we had been laughing together in the labs. So much so that she had dispaled physical symptoms of not liking this whole setup. I dunno, I sortta fell sorry for Richard, he somehow knows how to pick the nutty ones. (once again, after today, I don’t care who I offend really!) But yeah, the fact that it turns out that she said she’s “feeling so jealous [she] could KILL!!!” is worrying me a tincey little bit. But yeah, I’m sorry, as per usual, no one EVER gets away with threatening me or my friends, so I pretty much told everyone I know *evil grin* I phoned up Chris and told him about it, we had a good laugh, he made me feel a little better about it ^_^ He’s seriously the optimist out of the two of us ^_^ I wuv it to pieces :) But yeah, that was just something I had to get off my chest. I have a pretty good idea of how this all is going to play out, but I don’t want to sound an alarm just to soon, or at all. As I’ve experienced in the past, sometimes it’s best just not to interfere with what is meant to happen. *shrugs* I guess I’ll be there when the point comes, and I’ll quietly go, “I told you so” # Friday, September 26, 2003 ( 02:27 ) Melissa Things better left unsaid Okay, so I heard something a little while ago that got me thinking. Just first off, I’d like to plead my case. Now when it comes to just about anything, within a matter of moments (there are a couple moments in a second IMO), I can find connections to something that weren’t already there. For example, Jonny said that Rachel is no doubt going to grow up looking like me… couple minutes later he said Rachel sortta looks like Manie… I took a little offence to this. Even though there was like a couple statements difference between those two statements, I made a connection, and therefore, indirectly, he said I looked like Manie! *rolls eyes* Now that isn’t really what is bugging me, there was something else that happened over the space of like the whole day I guess, and coupled with some other non-related statements, I’d have to admit that Chris pretty much really hurt my feelings today :( It’s nothing to worry about, it’s no doubt me just being over emotional (Cancerians are “fun”) But still, I guess there are a couple things I’m going to have talk to him about. Now for me to be making a fuss over something like this, means that it must’ve hit a nerve, which I guess it did *shrugs* one of the kak things about when I let my guard down (as in me being opposed to my usual thing, of being pretty much unemotional internally - *giggles* sometimes the forever happy things is an act I’m afraid to admit), and then I get all over analytical about shit… tis bad. And it sortta got me thinking about some stuff, besides the obvious issues I’ve recently developed :P But seriously, how much weight can actually be put on words people say? I mean, lets say if you’re blabbering about topic XYZ, now the words that you use, without really having had like a couple minutes to think about what to say, so it’s just like your straight subconscious as it were, coming out and talking. You generally haven’t had that much time to think things through, like how they are going to effect anything in the future. More importantly, it’s your true emotions on subjects that are coming through. Words are powerful things, and I know for one that I have a tendency of f**cking up royally when talking about some things, and in the past, I’ve gotten either very emotional about some things, or I’ve just made a tit out of myself. So like, for me, some topics (and I know I’m about to break this rule, but it’s not in a conversation, and I wanna make a point… so yeah, don’t point that out to me :P ) that I’ve personally banned myself from initiating conversation about is: First and foremost, the one and only person I could say that I really truly loved, *no names shall be mentioned*. I can’t really say much about it, because I *just* started writing about everything, and filled like a page, so deleted that, it’s something that I really don’t think I’d like to make public, especially since most of my close friends don’t know the facts, it’s a little insensitive to blurt it all out here. But to sum it up, I think that with one little thing that happened, that changes my life for a great deal… put me in one hell of a depression for a good part of high-school (year – 2000, grd11 / Std9) so yeah, nasty stuff. Second thing I hate having to talk about, is marriage. ARGH! *bangs head on table* I don’t know what it is about it, but I get that having to spend your life with someone you care deeply for, and making a life out of it, a happy one at that, must be the most awesome thing. But yeah, I’ve got issues coming out my ears, biggest thing is that I honestly think that I’m going to eventually get divorced… and that to me is like the ultimate rejection, get married, say a bizzilion vows in front of your deity of choice, and then, after who knows what, you land up splitting… *shudders* that I don’t think I could handle. So in my head, if I don’t get married, I don’t ever have to get divorced! :D A pretty milk toast theory, but it gets me by. The reason I don’t like talking about that in detail, is because most people don’t accept that at face value (there are lots of more factors involved, trust me), and they try and dig and find a reason :’( Then I get upset… never fun! That and whoever I’m involved with at the time, tends to get a little upset, or might take it personally… that leads to fights, and then this reminds me about that one time Ryan and I had a fight about all that :( Wait, no, we actually had a couple fights about it, granted I had this thing of not wanting to really talk about it before him, but he just reinforced it. A third thing I never talk about, ,is RPG things… I’m a little obsessed, I have a million theories and ideas about it all, but keep them all to myself… don’t want people Fourthly, I don’t like talking about ex-es… (like exes from like over a year ago) It’s the past, it’s over and done with, I don’t see the point about having to get into in-depth conversations about them… you’d be surprised the amount of stories people do this sort of thing. Hmmm… I can’t really think of much else… I’m a little tired ATM, I’ll no doubt add to this at a later stage :) Anyway, back to the point of all this... I'm not sure if people actually think about what they are saying, or if they blurt out what they want, when they want. I sometimes wonder if other people make these ridiculous connections with what statements they say, and catch themselves out or not *shrugs* Or if I'm the only one that accidently falls over all these instances where people say a couple things, I'll get them linked up, pass judgement, and get hurt O_o # |
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